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Shake it Off
"...sometimes, rather than reach for what one could be, we choose the comfort of the failed role, preferring to be the victim of circumstance, the person who didn't have a chance."
-Merle Shain
Its two decades ago, and I am playing center at one of many exhibition games for my high school volleyball team. I remember it clearly; we were at Canning high school that afternoon. The game had begun with me playing center as I always did. The play went back and forth until it was my turn to make my move, the awesome block or the unstoppable spike that my team and coach were anticipating and depending on. Instead, I watched the ball drop to the floor beside me feeling embarrassed and humiliated.
My inaction affected the rest of the game. Why….because I didn't 'shake it off.' Instead, I decided to hang on to the failure and the disappointment I felt for my inaction. Consequently, I had many self-defeating thoughts run through my mind which not only didn't support my skills, but held me back from performing my best for the rest of the game. While I knocked myself down to the dungeons of no return, my coach with all her zeal and optimism for a positive ending, shouted to me from the bench over and over again to "shake it off." What did she know that I didn't?
How do we 'shake it off'? How do we let go of such disappointment we feel for ourselves? How do we let go of disappointing others? During that game, I was lost, confused and felt trapped in a pattern of behaviour I had no idea how to fix. I did not know how to re-create in my mind supportive and positive thoughts in order to 'shake it off' and move forward. I did not know how to manage my circumstances to move through them, instead of my circumstances stopping me. I did not know how to heal the emotional oppressor of my perfectionism in order to be free to be me, using the talents and wisdom I had at that very moment.
Unfortunately, like many of us we get stuck in old patterns of behaviour generated by our choices and lifestyles, allowing circumstances to govern our life instead of moving through them as we are supposed to. Circumstances are just circumstances. We can rationalize why we stay stuck in them, defending our behaviour in order to explain our inaction or actions. If the truth be known, circumstances are just truths that define a situation. For example, no money, strong opponent(s), no time, no job, unsatisfactory job, no significant other, unhappy marriage, couldn't find childcare. They are there for us to work through not to stay stuck in. It is up to us to find the answers. It is up to us to utilize community resources and professionals like me to learn the lessons we need to know to move past them to something great. It is up to us to ask for assistance.
So, what do you do when the ball drops beside you, thinking that you have let yourself and others down? Do you beat yourself up until you have reached the dungeons of no return? Or, do you look for ways to 'shake it off', ways to utilize the help and support of those around you and available to you, who care and want to see and experience your excellence by working through your circumstances. You always have a choice; it is up to you now to decide which box of circumstances you choose to mark as 'safe'.
Until next time...
Krista McKay
Life coach/Freelance writer
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